My Confession: 2014 was rough. Actually, it sucked.

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Happy new year!

It’s my first post of 2015. Hello to my new subscribers and hey, hey, hey to my older subbies! 🙂

For those of you that have been following me from the beginning, you might have noticed that I became inconsistent with my blogging towards the middle of 2014.  See, I am a planner and I had my life all planned out. My blue print was in tact. Getting a home with my love, moving in, and just being happy. But no, life stepped in and the diagnosis came. CANCER. Yep, cancer. Not me, my mom. Ovarian cancer to be exact.

It was utterly devastating. My heart was broken.

In the midst of me planning my life, happily looking at places to live, scouring the internet for quiet, tree-lined streets, filled with beautiful homes and the best school districts for my son, the unexpected happened.  I wasn’t prepared. Why the heck was this happening!? I cried a lot, and I mean a lot. During my nightly prayer, I asked God why he would let this happen to my mom. You should have heard the way that I was talking to God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and anyone else in the universe that I thought could save her. And in the blink of an eye, I had to make quick decisions, change my course of action and became a full-time care taker to the woman who gave me life.

The chemo was horrible. It was brutal. It looked like death was coming very fast.

The person who has cancer suffers; but you know who else suffers? The child who has to take care of a parent with cancer. It was so scary to see her in pain, suffering, and losing weight. After cooking her meals, caring for her round the clock, picking her up from her appointments, I still had to find a way to take care of myself, my child, my dog. I was in complete turmoil I tell you. My mother seemed to be dying right before my eyes and there was nothing I could do to ease her pain or stop this awful thing from killing her. Life sucked at the time.

And then, just like the song, God shed his grace on thee….

I pleaded with the doctors that the chemo was killing her. She wasn’t eating at all and was wasting away each day. I watched in horror. In response to my plea, they lowered the dosage of the chemo, and then a miracle happened. Her pain subsided, she was able to actually keep her eyes open and stay awake for longer than the 30 minute norm. She started eating solid food, sitting up on her own, watching television and then the laughing started. Really loud laughter, as she started to watch her favorite shows again. Week after week, she improved. She lost a lot of weight and had gone down to an emaciated 85 pounds. But since the miracle happened, she has gained 24 pounds. God heard my cries and my heavy, incessant prayers for her. So many people die within months of a stage 4 diagnosis. I mean, even the doctor told us that she didn’t have long….But by the grace of God, 6 months later, she is getting stronger by the day.

I am not sure why this happened at such a pivotal time in my life. At a time when mom was supposed to be enjoying her retirement. I have learned that preparedness is a wonderful thing, if things do go as planned. But what do you do when something unexpected happens that rocks you to the core, shakes your entire world, strips you of all happiness, and completely throws you off track? You pray. You have faith, and you push through the pain and madness until you get to the other side of the storm. Mom is so much better now. The sun has come out, and life no longer sucks. Hello 2015.

With love,

Nick signature

12 thoughts on “My Confession: 2014 was rough. Actually, it sucked.

  1. So sorry to hear about your moms diagnosis, but I’m glad to hear she’s doing much better. I’ll keep her in my prayers.

    As far as plans go… they’re good to have as a guide but life always has a way of shaking things up and we just have to roll with the punches.

    1. Hi Rece,

      Thank you for keeping her in your prayers. Yes, you are so right. They are good as a guide. We have to dust ourselves off and try again. Thanks for stopping by.

  2. God bless you for your story and I’m so glad that your mom is doing better. I’ve thought about you not too long ago as I hadn’t seen a recent post from you. Glad you’re back and I’ll add you and your mom to my prayer list.

  3. This is such a touching post. I am sorry you and your family have to deal with cancer, but you will definitely touch another by opening up about your experience. I wish you and your family the best.

  4. This was great. Not what happened but how you explained it. I am glad that mom got better and that it didn’t end badly. I hope she has a better year this year and you too. 🙂

  5. omg hun i am so sorry to hear that your mom was even diagnosed but i am elated to hear that she has overcame all of that pain and God saw her through it. You are so lucky to still have her around. It just wasn’t her time. We will never understand his plan, but we have to know that one is in place. I hope your mother is feeling better. Give her all the kisses and hugs you can 🙂

    1. Hi there. Thank you so much. Yes, she is feeling a lot better. Almost back to her old self. He does have a divine plan for us, even though we may not understand his timing.

  6. Nicky! I’m sorry to hear about ur mom! WOW. I wondered where you went. I really like your blog and I’m glad ur doing better now. Crazy things happen in life n we don’t know why. Glad she is better now.

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